Everyone has a favorite Riverdale character they wish they could hang out with all the time. Some of us relish the idea of solving mysteries with Betty and Jughead. Others would rather be plotting fabulous schemes with Cheryl at Thistlehouse. Why do we love the Riverdale teens so much? Because they’re fresh takes on familiar characters we all grew up with.
Many of us also grew up with Harry Potter. Raise your hand if you ever spent a recess speculating which Hogwarts house you’d be sorted into, should you get one of those coveted telegrams. Sorting Hat musings are definitely an addictive pastime, so here’s a fun one—what if the Sorting Hat came to Riverdale? Where would it place Archie and the gang? It’s time to find out.
11. Archie Andrews - Gryffindor
Archie doesn’t wear that letterman jacket for show; he’s an all-star athlete. If he were to attend Hogwarts, like Harry, he’d be hopping on a broom at the first opportunity, ready for a rousing game of Quidditch. But since he’s a Muggle, Archie will settle for football and boxing. When he was in juvie, Archie was forced to take part in an underground fight club. He kept himself alive solely by his physical capabilities.
Gryffindors may be strong, but they don’t always take the time to think about the consequences of their actions and can be quite reactionary. This is a perfect description for the boy who organizes a vigilante watch group in an attempt to take down the Black Hood killer. While Archie may not think long-term, his heart is always in the right place.
10. Veronica Lodge - Slytherin
While Riverdale Veronica is a much kinder character than her comic book counterpart, she’s still a Slytherin. They may not be the warmest people, but Slytherins have their positive traits too. They are cunning strategists who think outside the box when faced with a problem. As the daughter of a maniacal gangster, Veronica can’t afford to be anything different. She’s always thinking on her feet, trying to stay one step ahead of Hiram. Successful or not, Veronica’s schemes are always motivated by a desire to do the right thing. She orchestrated a revenge plan against misogynistic football players and also rounded up the gang for an elaborate plot to break Archie out of juvenile hall.
9. Betty Cooper – Gryffindor
Like in the comic books, Riverdale Betty is sweet as a strawberry milkshake. This may speak to a Hufflepuff temperament, but our Betty isn’t afraid of danger. In fact, she thrives on it. Betty lives for detective work and was instrumental in cracking the case of both Jason Blossom’s murder and the mystery of the Black Hood. Just imagine what Gryffindor Betty could accomplish with an Invisibility Cloak.
While Betty isn’t nearly as cocksure as Archie, she too can be rather reactionary. When Alice announced she was selling the Cooper home against Betty’s wishes, Betty did everything in her power to discourage potential buyers. When that failed, she lit a small fire in the house. Betty, scrappy Gryffindor that she is, is not someone you want to mess with.
8. Jughead Jones – Ravenclaw
Jughead has a poet’s soul and is the most intellectual Riverdale citizen. He’s artfully observant and provides the voiceover narration in every episode, reading excerpts from his novel which is based on the nefarious goings-on of Riverdale. Though he may not be your standard brawny alpha male, Jughead becomes the leader of whatever group he is a part of.
He became head of the Southside Serpents and uses quick wit and logic to keep his crew on the straight and narrow. When there was a town-wide resurgence of Gryphons & Gargoyles, Jughead quickly became a game master. Remember, in place of a password, Ravenclaws have to solve a riddle to gain access to their common room. Jughead would fit right in.
7. Cheryl Blossom - Slytherin
Cheryl is a steamroller in a red dress. Whether it’s Student Body President or the lead in back-to-back school plays, Cheryl always gets her way. She’s a member of one of Riverdale’s most affluent families. Both Thornhill and Thistlehouse look like blown-up versions of Slytherin common rooms.
Cheryl grew up believing she was entitled to whatever her heart desires and woe betide anyone who tries to tell her different. When she got kicked out of the Serpents, Cheryl formed a girl gang and sicced them on Sweet Pea and Fangs. It’s appropriate that her color of choice is red, because Cheryl is a cherry bomb, waiting to explode at the slightest provocation. While she may be a Pretty Poison, Cheryl would fit right in with the Slytherins.
6. Kevin Keller - Ravenclaw
Kevin is a tough nut to crack. He’s like the Luna Lovegood of Riverdale. While he may not have radishes dangling from his ears, he’s just different from everyone else. He’s the first openly gay student at Riverdale High (and in the Archie Comics), and he boldly marches to the beat of his own drum. Yes, Kevin is brave, but not in a Gryffindor way. He doesn’t feel the need to show the world how courageous he is. Really, Kevin is completely comfortable in his own skin and doesn’t give a fig what anybody thinks of him.
While Kevin makes mistakes like anybody else, he’s one of the most mature Riverdale students. He knows what he wants. Eventually, after months of clandestine kisses with Moose, Kevin wanted to go public. He understood Moose’s trepidations for coming out, but Kevin knew that he wanted and deserved a real relationship. Kevin could teach courses on quiet confidence, something Ravenclaws exude.
5. Josie McCoy - Ravenclaw
Nobody knows discipline like Josie McCoy. She’s an extremely talented musician and at such a young age, has already devoted her life to pursuing her passion. Both of Josie’s parents are paragons of success and Josie has felt pressure from both of them. Their expectations and Josie’s own ambition can make her somewhat rough around the edges. She’s been known to snap at those posing any sort of threat to her aspirations. However firm Josie’s principles are, she’s also shown a softer side. When Archie was paid off to take the fall in a boxing match, Josie encouraged him not to sell out and he listened. Like most Ravenclaws, Josie has the talent and the drive to take the world by storm.
4. Toni Topaz - Hufflepuff
If there’s a singular word to describe Toni, it’s “loyal”. With Toni, or any Hufflepuff, on your side, you know you’ve got a friend for life. Even before Jughead joined the Serpents, Toni had his back because he is a “Serpent by blood”. Now the leader of the Pretty Poisons, Toni goes to bat for her comrades in arms. She got them all jobs at La Bonne Nuit, but firmly told Veronica that her girls aren’t waitresses; they supply muscle only. Toni has a strong Hufflepuff work ethic and insists on paying her own way, even if there’s a cushier option. When she was living at Thistlehouse, Toni made sure to pay rent to Nana Rose, even though the Blossom matriarch had no idea what that was.
3. Reggie Mantle - Slytherin
Reggie is your classic privileged cool kid. Most Slytherins grow up with money and show disdain for the less fortunate. At best, they’re uncool; at worst, they’re the enemy. Think of the Malfoys’ attitude towards the Weasleys. On Riverdale, Reggie has shown a strong prejudice against anyone from the Southside, particularly the Serpents. This came to a head when the Serpents started attending Riverdale High. Later, Reggie would evolve and come to accept the Serpents. He even shows a tender side, during his relationship with Veronica. However, Reggie hasn’t fully cut ties to his privileged, Slytherin roots. After giving his car to Gladys Jones as payment for Veronica’s debt, he put both himself and her in danger by trying to steal it back.
2. Moose Mason - Hufflepuff
Hufflepuffs are on a constant quest to make everyone happy. So is Moose Mason, even when this gets in the way of what he wants for himself. Case in point: his relationship with Kevin Keller. His feelings for Kevin were real and strong, but more than anything, Moose feared displeasing his tough-as-nails father, so he kept the relationship in the dark. Even through his fears, though, Moose is a kind, caring person. When Andrews Construction was in jeopardy, Moose loaned a helping hand and legitimately enjoyed the work. Helping people and hard work? Sounds like the quintessential Hufflepuff.
1. Ethel Muggs - Hufflepuff
Of all the Hogwarts houses, Hufflepuffs tend to be the most overlooked. Ethel knows what that’s like. She wasn’t chosen to play the lead in the school musical Carrie, despite being “born for the part”. Ethel also carries a torch for Jughead and her feelings are not returned or even, at times, noticed. The Hufflepuff’s tragic flaw is being too trusting and Ethel fits this bill as well. She’s a total mark for the insidious fantasy roleplaying game, Gryphons & Gargoyles—instead of being Ethel the Ignored, she relishes the opportunity to be Princess Etheline. Though she means well, Ethel doesn’t always stop to think, and takes other people’s word at face value, even when she shouldn’t.
