It might not be Halloween anymore, but that doesn’t mean we’re not still thinking about The Rocky Horror Picture Show. In fact, true fans spend all year waiting for the midnight premieres, only so we can throw rice at the screen and yell obscenities in public. Despite its cult following, one thing that can’t be denied is how dysfunctional the relationships are throughout the timeline of this film. From a Transexual Transylvania to full-on swingers (ahem, Janet and Brad), it’s an NSFW masterpiece.
Let’s analyze, shall we? Aside from the obvious goings-on, no one ever acknowledges Brad and Janet’s relationship, the only seemingly normal one. So were they meant to be together? Was fate really dealing them a fair hand? It’s time for a science fiction double feature.
Perfect Together: He Did Worry About Her… Some Of The Time
For about the first half-hour of the movie (if that), Brad seems to be genuinely concerned about Janet’s safety. At least, he seems concerned when they break down. He even seems worried when they run into some (cough) strange folks.
However, this doesn’t last very long as they both begin to realize that it’s a big ocean out there… one with plenty of fish swimming around. But at least Brad started out playing the role of a good fiance.
Break Up: Dr. Frank N. Furter Climbed Into Bed With Him Way Too Easily
We’re thinking that Brad could have done a bit more soul searching before committing to his one and only true love. Love is love, and gender is fluid, therefore Brad was free to be with whomever he wanted. Or whatever he wanted, considering we’re talking about extraterrestrial life (queue the ‘aliens are beings too’ protests).
But we’re also thinking that maybe he should have gotten this out of his system before proposing… then again, his wife-to-be wasn’t so innocent, either. It must have been the platforms.
Perfect Together: His Fiance’s Safety Was His First Thought
This can’t be denied. Brad did consider Janet when he knocked on the door that would change his life forever. What transpired inside was a sight to be foretold but prior to that, getting Janet to a safe (a term used loosely) and dry place was a priority.
Back then, knocking on a stranger’s door wasn’t nearly as taboo as it is now, especially in a world devoid of iPhones.
Break Up: Janet Went In Search Of Brad, Not The Other Way Around
Surprisingly, it was Janet who went in search of her significant other post-Furter encounter. When she realizes that it’s not her dear old Brad in bed with her, her search leads her, well… elsewhere.
Despite the fact that she ran into Rocky, thus spawning another romance, she took the first steps to find her separated other half. Where was Brad? Likely having dreams of a Sweet Transvestite.
Perfect Together: Brad Did Enter The Mansion In Search Of Help, A Bold Move
Alas! Even though asking a stranger (or several) to use their phone wasn’t unusual at the time, it was a bold move nonetheless. If you couldn’t tell already that we were running out of ways to justify both Brad and Janet’s behavior, it’s quite obvious that we’re relying on things like old-school chivalry to defend them.
Both of them should have emerged single, but it was Brad’s confidence and determination to problem-solve that earns him a half-point here.
Break Up: Janet Ran Into Rocky’s Arms And Brad Did… Nothing
After an encounter with Frank, who could possibly think of anyone else? No one else can be as dramatic, or walk as well in fishnets and heels, as the doctor could. Therefore, it’s impossible to judge Brad… but that doesn’t mean he’s not a poor fiance.
Alternatively, who the heck runs into the arms of a laboratory-made human being? Janet, of course. She’s on Santa’s naughty list for life, and it’s not only because she had heart eyes in awe of his 8-pack.
Perfect Together: They Got Engaged, So That’s A Start
It’s really a stretch at this point. The more this movie is watched, the easier it gets to decide that perhaps Janet and Brad are not quite the two for each other. If all it takes is a few otherworldly beings and their lab experiments - along with a touch of cannibalism - then they definitely should not have been together by the time they walked out of that house.
However, Brad did pop the question and Janet did say ‘yes’, so obviously they love each other… maybe.
Break Up: Janet Totally Had The Hots For Rocky
Janet’s indiscretion is exactly what prompts the entire theater to shout expletives at the screen. As if it couldn’t get worse, she does so in front of Brad - but then again, there are no secrets in the home of Furter.
Rocky, the love child of the Doctor and science, his perfect little baby, also makes the mistake of sharing intimacies with Janet. At least he has an excuse - he basically has the mind of a newborn, but it was Janet who made him a man.
Perfect Together: They’re The ‘Hero’ And The ‘Heroine’
It’s getting a bit dicey now. Traditionally, as most stories go, there is either a ‘hero’ and/or a ‘heroine’. For all intents and purposes of Rocky Horror, Brad and Janet take on the role of both.
While we could argue who the true hero and heroine are (because we all know it’s Magenta and Riff Faff), the credits stand as declaring those two the protagonists of this story. That alone implies that destiny has a hand in their fate, thus making them the true lovebirds.
Break Up: We’re Pretty Sure Janet Would Have Stayed If She Could
Given the option, who knows? Maybe Brad would have remained put as well. Perhaps they would have stayed together and continued sharing separate bedrooms. All we know is that Janet was seriously hooked on Rocky and Brad…
Well, he was seriously hooked on something. They say what’s forbidden is the most appealing to us and nothing demonstrates this more than attractive alien life. And yes, that was very uncomfortable to write.
